Spencer's

Whenever I'm enraged at someone, I say I hope they choke on a bag of dicks. At Spencer's, I believe that is entirely possible. Dick for days.

I came in looking for some bachelorette party items. All I wanted was a simple shot glass necklace and I only required two things.

1) I didn't want it to have anything obnoxious written on it like "Last fling before the ring!" or "Bride to be - Buy me shots!" or "[insert string of unnecessary profanities] I'm getting married!"

2) No penises!

It's not that my friends and I dislike penis; we'd just rather keep some semblance of class while getting hammered. Billy Idol sang about a White Wedding, not a White trash wedding.

I've browsed Spencer Gifts' other locations and had no problem finding a nice selection of both raunchy and reserved party favors. This bachelorette section was covered in dick-orations. I found a handful of shot glass necklace designs and not a single one was without peen - shot glasses with penis cartoons, shot glasses in the shape of penises, shot glasses with penises sticking up in the middle and shot glasses with an inner glass shaped like a penis. I found one shot glass that did not have a dick on it or in it; however, the necklace part was made of Mardi Gras beads and... pink, plastic penises.

I had to approach an employee (since she was chatting up another off-the-clock employee) and ask if they had anything that wasn't covered in cocks. She told me that's really all they had except for one necklace that said "Shots! Shots! Shots!" I brought up that I'd seen plenty of non-perverted options at other stores and she told me that they do carry those, but they are the most popular and sell out quickly... HELLO, SPENCER'S! Maybe provide a larger assortment of the popular products?

One star for the employees being helpful, at least after I engaged them. One star for all the other great party favors. They have some fun shirts and great options for birthdays. Hell, they even have a good selection of bachelorette stuff if you don't mind decking the halls with dicks.